Linda, Samantha, Dan and new daughter, Megan
Finding Joy in the Midst of Pain
For Linda Ortman of Dallas, Texas, being the mother of a child with complex needs brings with it a sense of purpose. She says, "I have always believed that Samantha was given to us to teach, to tell a story, to help us and others find the goodness and kindness and peace in our own hearts."
When her daughter, Samantha Hope, was born on Easter Sunday, April 12, 1998, she knew right away that something was terribly wrong. Following a healthy, uneventful pregnancy, Linda gave birth to a baby girl who was lifeless and ashen in color. "The obstetrician took her immediately to the warming table where she was given oxygen," Linda says.
Linda and her husband, Dan, learned that their precious first born child had bled during birth and was severely brain damaged as a result. Thus began a journey through tears and grief.
She says that the most difficult part of her daughter's care over the past four years has been coping with the crying. "Samantha cried almost every night from the time she was born until we put her on seizure meds last year." In an effort to calm her baby girl, Linda sent out a prayer request to over 100 friends and family asking that each of them pray for Samantha at 6 p.m. every evening, the time when she began her nightly crying jags.
The request was fruitful. Samantha was comforted, and the crying lessoned. You can read more about the Ortman's adventure in prayer by clicking here.
Sam also has difficulty eating. Linda had to put out a search for the bottle nipples that her daughter preferred, and her husband, Dan, located them through a business colleague from overseas. The problem is, once the food is in Sam's stomach, it often comes right back out.
Samantha's lack of mobility is also a challenge. She cannot sit or hold on when carried, and she's growing by leaps and bounds. "It is easy to maneuver a baby, but a baby that is almost four feet tall and weighs 30 pounds is not easy," Linda explains.
The hardest part of all for Linda, though, is the grief. "Knowing that Samantha will never develop beyond an infant of 2-4 months of age, that she will never sit or roll over or stand or walk or run or hug me and say 'I love you, mommy', breaks my heart every day. There is a very strong sense of loss and sadness. The tears are always so close to the surface."
Through the pain, though, Linda and Dan have learned to survive. When asked what parenting a child with special needs has taught her about herself, Linda says, "That I am strong. That I have patience. That I have a great capacity for love. That together Dan and I can handle all things with God's love and guidance."
She has also found strength in the goodness of others. "People have always been so kind. Some stare, some speak, some ask questions. I've always reacted the same to all. Samantha makes me feel strong and blessed. Almost invincible. She has such a sweet spirit and is a physically beautiful child. I think that the people we meet sense this about her."
Her attitude over the past four years has evolved from "why me?" to "why am I so special that God gave this sweet and beautiful and loveable and yes, perfect child to me?" She adds, "I still shed tears for Samantha and for myself and for our loss, but I realize that this is our reality. Now the question must be, where do we go from here and how will we get there? Everybody has a story and challenges to face. Our challenges just happen to be wrapped up in a special child that will teach us how to listen and laugh and love unconditionally. Personally, that is a challenge that I am now ready to face."
written by Carolyn Murray
Read an essay written by Linda Ortman's teenage niece, Bailey Robinson, by clicking here.
