Daniel's Gift
A Publication for Families of Children with Special Needs
Mentor
by Carolyn Murray
I found an early edition of Nicola Schaeffer's book, 'Does She Know She's There', while browsing the library in my hometown one summer. I read through it in a couple of days, and knew I had to have my own copy. I ordered it from Amazon and was delighted to learn that it had been updated to include many additional stories.
Nicola tells the story of her daughter, Catherine, who is profoundly mentally and physically disabled. She kept her at home and raised her alongside her two younger brothers at a time when most people were institutionalizing children like her. What drew me to Nicola is her sense of humor, her matter-of-fact approach to life and her devotion to her daughter. She also managed to live her own life, and fight for Catherine to live hers.
Born in England, Nicola moved to Canada with her new husband just prior to becoming pregnant with Catherine. I think part of the reason I love her so much is her British humor. She is so down-to-earth and practical, and funny while at it.
She fought hard for her daughter to have a place to live of her own, and she firmly believes that the disabled should be in relationship with their typically developing peers. From the time she was eighteen, Catherine has lived down the street from her mother in her own home with caregivers close to her age.
I wrote to her after reading the book, and I was thrilled when she phoned me! We've since kept in touch, and I recently invited her and Catherine to Florida to stay with us. I consider her a mentor, and there aren't many out there for those of us raising children with profound disabilities.
I think that the most important thing I've learned from Nicola is that it truly is your perspective on life that determines your reality. She always finds a way to put a positive spin on things, but at the same time she's honest about the difficulties. She's not maudlin, either. Nicola is the type of mother to Catherine that I hope to be for Daniel.
